Writings
Walls, Bodies, Fluids, Smells, Walls (2024)
Project with Kiko Tsvetkov and Constance Boudet
Part of publication designed by Haoran Zhi
Photos publication
What does it feel like to watch? To be Watched? These are two questions we continue to bring up individually, amongst ourselves, and with others around. With this in mind, we tackled the concept of voyeurism, with a specific focus on what it means to watch and thus, how a human or more-than-human reacts in intimate scenarios. The concept transcends landscapes: from kinky to the romantic, the outdoors to the indoors, from the real to the fictional. After all, when we watch a movie, are we not voyeuring simultaneously? Are we not penetrating a fictional character’s life without them knowing? This is precisely what we will explore further in this text: an intrusion of a threesome from every possible viewpoint (i.e., see my eyes, feel my walls, light my bulbs).
This raised our second questions, namely: Can consent exist in the context of voyeurism? And what can be said about the body in those situations? What kind of resistance, challenges and questions can such bodies display? And can the voyeur ultimately become the one who is viewed? Thus, positionality is key when we consider taboo and tricky topics such as watching others – sexually or otherwise. In a similar vein, our colleagues from the other voyeurism group explored the dichotomies of public/private surveillance. Hence, our text is viewed by unknown witnesses present in the digital world of comment sections, which serve as the ultimate, and more dangerous, form of voyeurism.
The egg-white walls surrounding them had been observing their every step-hidden in their very sight. Sweating from the heat, their bodies merged from the second their feet touched my floor. They spun and spun, while the unnoticed figure at the corner of this gloriously small and messy room sat on my peachy sofa. Sat silently. Unmoving. Observing. Not daring to make a move, even though their pants bulged bigger and bigger. Seductively, they watched, craving to touch and merge into these twisting bodies.
They might not be aware of my embrace, that I feel their warmth. The touch of their sweaty palms makes my walls tingle. As they are eyeing each other, are they aware I am also watching them?
I become marked by their movements, feelings, and actions. An intensive sensation-conflicted, twisted.
As the figure watched, the two bodies locked lips. Hands on waists and breasts. Glorious bodies rotating aggresively into each other, making my walls sweat heaps and heaps of moist condensation. Oh, how hot they have made my four walls.
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One of them pushes the other onto the bed while caressing their chest. I place my body on their lap and grab their face. “Kiss me gently.” ‘Kiss me rough.” We follow the shapes of our bodies; our hands want to read every part of each other. Both of us are an unknown landscape that we are just starting to discover.[1] They start kissing my neck, then my ears. With their lips, they create a path from my chest to my neck and find their way to my lips. They smile with their lips on mine and command me to lie on my back. They start running their eyes over my body. I feel connected to my body in a whole brand new way. I love that. It fuels me. it fills me.[2] They have taken control over my body, which makes it feel uncontrollable, while simultaneously making my body feel most mine. I take their hand and move it between my legs. I give permission to let my body be uncontrolled. We pant in each other’s mouths. The air becomes ours. Yet our privacy is infiltrated by staring eyes. My muscles are tense with desire. I can’t tell which part is my own body and which is the glorious one, making my lust unbearable.[3] It forms a landscape of us in the moment. They tell me to penetrate them and let myself be penetrated after. I grin and slide my fingers inside them. A soft moan slips out of their mouth. All the ways they can penetrate me make me aroused. My body trembles of the thought. They restlessly long to merge themselves with me. I whisper in their ear “get hard and fuck me.” They grab my hand and lick my fingers. I can feel their gigantic member rubbing against my left thigh. It is like the Eiffel Tower, emerging above the steam clouds in the room.[4]
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Can I keep looking? I kept wondering, as these two figures moved across the room. Devouring each other. It made me so hot; I could’ve finished right then and there. I am present in this room, am I not? Does it count when nobody notices? But they must sense my presence, right? My underwear is becoming wet, I smell the fluid that is dripping. It starts to mix with their scents. Can they sense the change in the air?[5] Does it make my presence known? As they took each other’s shirts off, lips unlocking exactly for two seconds-yes, I counted- their sweaty bodies were shimmering. Am I uncomfortable? My brain tells me I should be, but my ever-erecting body speaks other truths.[6] A longing to merge with their moving bodies. It is getting harder to contain my trembling self, and my fluids are dripping like a broken shower. As they move their fingers in and over each other, I can feel it. We are so in sync. It feels transcendent. I couldn’t keep my composure as I was lurking at these imperfect pink hyper-sensitive nipples from the other side of the room. They lifted their heads and their eyes locked with mine. It felt… magical. Ethereal even, this moment of realization that I was spotted. I was revealed by their staring eyes and juicy, smirking lips. They were inviting me. aggressive wouldn’t be the right way to describe the atmosphere in the room. Everything moved extremely quickly, yet exactly to my taste. We are breathing each other’s bodies. The strap-on penetrates the other body. As an extra limb, it moves between their legs. All of us have taken possession over it in our own desire.[7] Both of them crawling and tossing each other’s body all over the bed, on that isolated island.
My semitendinosus muscle takes control. I get up.
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I was unaware that they would join us. There was something so empowering about having control of their every move. Their thrusting hands barely able to hold off touching themselves. Immediately edging them away if they made too abrupt a move. They liked it very much, it seemed. They liked being controlled and were restless to merge themselves with us. We held the power in this room. I move off the bed and grab a thick and long dildo. “Is this size okay for you? Because I also have smaller sizes with me. I am multifunctional,” I say. I see them watching intensely. Their studious eyes are enchantingly arousing. There is a bargain of vulnerability and exposure. They grab the lube and move their hands over my hard stick until it is fully lubricated. I slowly slide inside a hole. First soft and carefully, then a bit deeper and rougher. They grab my neck and spit into my mouth. Our bodies shiver in unison. They bring their hands underneath the strap-on where my pulsing, engorged clitoris is hiding. I cannot contain my moaning. I grab the blanket in a strong grip. It feels so hot to have them take control over me. My face tenses. My face tenses up. And my breathing stops, my body shocks and releases.[8]
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Lying on their back, they pulled out a pack of ciggies from their black denim jeans. Inhale. Exhale. Heaven. Rubbed sheets, sour smells, stains on my walls, and condensation on my ceiling. Their fluids all over place.
It makes me think of what these engaging bodies mean to what I am, or possibly can become, since they have intruded on my comfort for their pleasure. My space has become marked by them all. They seem to think they hold the power in the room. But don’t they know that I see every move within my walls?[9] These three bodies that moved in me unforgivingly have left me diluting in this mess, wondering if they will notice my presence. Wondering if they will confide in the knowledge that I hold of what has occurred between these confidential walls-would they sign my NDA, just like all those celebrities require? A quiet night turned into an unexpected-maybe even unwanted?-evening of bodies, fluids and smells.